An Early Warning

I am soo fucking pissed off right now. I'm not mad nor angry neither is furious but I am pissed off. As in PISSING OFF! I do not know when I will feel like myself again soo beware if I do something to make you guys mad or provoke you guys or whatever because I am not in my right mind so I do not want to apologize for it because I am not me.

You see,I've been pretty pissed off for god knows how many weeks, hell even months, but still I can fucking control my pissing off but tonight, someone said something that triggers my pissing off so right now I am pissed off. It's not really a big deal or anything, he just said a fucking something at a very fucking wrong time and the tone he used was soo fucking irritating that I just cannot control my fucking pissing off anymore. Of course, me, being a 'patience and happy-go-lucky' person as peopla keep putting it, just kept my fucking mouth shut and say none. Of course only god knows how I yearn for my Ithaca 37 shotgun to blow his bloody fucking head to pieces not to mention the people around him. Fine. I don't give a fucking bloody damn if he doesn't fucking like me. Like I fucking care! Just say it out loud for god bloody's sake. Don't act soo hypocrite in front of me. I BLOODY FUCKING HATE IT!

You see, people always assume that my life is all nice and happy and full of happiness but hear this people, yes, you fucking people, that my life is not as it seems to be. Fine, I got a happy big family with a dad and a mom and 5 siblings plus a cat to complete the fucking happiness of my family. I am not saying that my family is not happy. Fine it is. But am I happy? Am I? My bro keeps pissing off and my sis is soo annoying plus my littlest bro is soo manja that I feel like slapping him once in a while. You know what, I don't even know what am I talking about. I am soo pissed off that I am babbling like a mad fucking woman.Well, maybe because I am a mad fucking woman. I don't give a bloody shit! Like I fucking care. You see, I am not clever neither am I pretty or cute or have a great body like Cameron Diaz. My essays are sucks and I have zero talents in add maths. I don't have a great memory like some of us have and people seems to not trusting me for some unfathomable reasons. I know I don't have a nice,naive,cute face, in fact mine is sour and garang as my mom put it. And yes I have one of the most annoying voice to be heard by your fucking ears not to mention that my smile and laugh make people want to puke and yes I know that some of you think that I am soo fucking irritating and annoying. But hey, what can I fucking do? Tell me. If I keep a long face then people will say that I am sombong and berlagak and bla,bla,bla but then if I smile and laugh to hide my loneliness and tears people will say that I am gedik. WHAT DO YOU FUCKING PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?!

God.

I feel like crying.

-one lonely girl-

aishah*